Welcome to my tiny portion of the world. Reading through this will give you some insight to my life and what happiness really is to me.

Friday, December 4, 2009

What a Quiet Day!!

Today I spoke with my cancer clinic social worker. She's informed me that the drugs for supressing the side effects of the chemo are very expensive so I should fill out the Trillium drug plan form. She has also informed me of a program called "Look Good, Feel Better". It sounds pretty fun. Once my intense chemo treatments are done (mid-Feb.) and I'm only doing them 3 times a week I will be going to this workshop.

I guess they teach you how to do your makeup nicely and for those who lose their hair they get taught how to properly draw on their eyes brows and put their wigs on properly. I've been told that I likely won't lose my hair which I'm pretty stoked about. I love my red hair! ;-) But, there still in the possibility I guess. Anyway, I'm still going to do this workshop regardless because it just sounds like fun!

As far as my day goes today, its been very relaxing. My mother in law and her friend stopped by for a quick visit and that was nice. Once they left at noon, I put Brooklyn down for a nap and Annabelle was already asleep. So, BOTH THE GIRLS ARE SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME!! It's SO quiet around here. NOT what I'm used to, but I'm totally enjoying it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I Need Some Sleep

Feeling a little anxious lately. I think it's rubbing off on the girls. Neither of them are sleeping very well andwhen hey are, I find myself awake just thinking about stuff. Maybe once this full moon goes away we'll all sleep a little better.

xo

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Cookie Exchange

In light of recent events, I've decieded to do as much fun stuff as I can until I start my chemo treatments in January. We've gone to the Santa Clause Parade, we took the girls to a Christmas party and got their photo taken with Santa, I'm having a tea party next week and we'll soon be visiting the in laws new puppy!! Aww!

On schedule for today was a cookie exchange. After I got my results yesterday, Wayne and I were in a whole different world. The only thing that seemed to matter was the fact that the cancer hadn't spread. Because of that, I forgot to buy my ingredients for the 6 dozen cookies I had to make.

Today at noon I remembered all the baking that needed to be done but I had nothing in the cupboards to make anything. I called Wayne at work and of course, he came to the rescue. I texted him my grocery list and he bought everything for me on my lunch break.

By 2pm I was baking up a storm and trying to calm Annabelle and making sure Brooklyn stayed sleeping through the whole commotion. It was a hectic day and far less fun than I had hoped. When I had made the arrangements for the cookie exchange I didn't realize I was going to be sans grandma all day and I had also planned on baking ahead of time.

The recipe ended up being super delicious which I got from Allrecipes.com (http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Big-Batch-Kris-Kringle-Cookies/Detail.aspx) and by the time i sorted all the cookies out there were only 4 left for us. I plan on making some more tomorrow night. The cookies I picked up (6 dozen different cookies) were delicious. I just stuck them in my freezer now so that they will still be good for Christmas! Yum! :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Results From the Second Surgery


Today was my appointment after my lymph node removal surgery. I have been trying very hard to distract myself from this disease.

For instance, when I got the results from my first surgery and the prognosis was 50/50 chance to live the next 10 years, Wayne and I decided we'd get married. We realized it wasn't the size of the ring or the super fancy wedding that mattered, which were the only reasons holding us back from getting married in the first place. We just wanted to be married to each other because we love each other.


What started out as us running down to city hall and getting the deed done, it turned into a 10 day circus planning a whole wedding at a church, and a reception hall with only $2000 and 80 guests. Well, we pulled that off. It was amazing! Wayne and I were married November 7th, 2009. We wanted to make sure we did it before my second surgery and before my chemo started, and we did it.

Imagine that, an 18 month old, a 1 month old, finding out you have cancer and planning a wedding. Talk about hectic.

Well, today we got the surgery results. They were able to remove 35 lymph nodes, and each and every single one was tested NEGATIVE! I've never felt such relief in my life. Of course I still have cancer, and I still have a year of chemo treatments ahead of me, but this journy feels like it may just be that much easier on me and we may have caught it in the nick of time.

When chemo starts I will be going in to the Cancer Clinic 5 days a week for 8 hours a day for 4 weeks. Treatment will be every day. It will be difficult. But I know I can do it. With the support I have flooding me right now, I just KNOW I can do it! Once those 4 weeks are over, I will be doing the injections myself at home 3 days a week for 11 months.

History of Events

To get to where I am today will take a lot of explaining and back story. Let me begin from the very start.

I met my other half (Wayne) about 3.5 years ago. We met online and fell in love. Just after being together for a year, the two of us decided to move out west to British Columbia together. We spent some time out there living and working at a ski resort called Panorama (http://www.panoramamountainresort.com) After being there only a few short months, we found out we were expecting our first baby girl. We moved back to London, Ontario at the end of May of 2008 so that we would be close to family and friends. Our little girl, Brooklyn, was expected to come on July 8, 2008.

We spent all of June trying to set ourselves up so we were completely prepared for our new little babe who we were expecting in July. We bought a house and the closing date was June 4, 2008. I went into the hospital that very day and gave birth to our precious girl at 6:45pm on June 5th (LONG labour...).

The year went on. It was marvelous. Spending time watching our sweet little girl grow and progress. The new year came and on Valentine's Day of 2009, Wayne and I found out were were expecting baby number two (Annabelle) on September 20, 2009. We were totally stoked, but nervous at the same time. My maternity leave was going to be ending May 2009, and I had no job to go back to since the last place I worked was all the way across the country.

It was a great pregnancy, up until the end. Wayne had noticed I had a mole on my back that just seemed to be getting bigger. I booked an appointment with my family doctor so that I could get a referral to a dermatologist so he could check it out.

I was 36 weeks pregnant (full term pregnancy is between 37 weeks and 42 weeks) by the time I got into see the dermatologist. He looked at the mole and said to me, "This looks like there is nothing to worry about. If it will put your mind at ease, we can biopsy it right now, but I'm 99.94% sure that this is nothing." I hesitated, but I knew that Wayne would have bugged me if I didn't get it biopsied. The doctor told me to call him in 3 weeks so that I could get the results.

Three weeks went by, to the day, and first thing in the morning I got a phone call from the dermatologists office telling me that I need to come in right away. I called Wayne, he got off work, and we headed downtown to see the doctor.

"You have cancer," were the first words he said to me. He apologized for making me think it was nothing to worry about. I never held anything against this doctor. I was never angry. I'm just glad I listened to Wayne and my instincts. Otherwise, who knows where I'd be in a few years from now.

After I found out it was malignant melanoma, I was referred to an amazing surgeon, Dr. Scilley. He looked at my mole and said immediately it didn't look good. I was scheduled to get it removed while I was still pregnant (39 weeks). A simple procedure that I was totally awake for. It didn't hurt, and it was just a tiny incision.

I had to wait until after Annabelle was born for the more invasive surgery to remove more skin and flesh and also to test the lymph nodes in my arm pit. Beautiful and healthy Annabelle was born September 21, 2009 and surgery was booked two weeks later.

Wayne and I went in early morning. I had to get injected with radioactive dye so they could take pictures of my body and see where the lymph nodes were that connected to the skin around the mole. It was hard because I had to stop breastfeeding Annabelle for 24 hours only two weeks after having her. Luckily I was able to get back on track with that immediately. I felt blessed that I had no problems getting her to continue nursing.

Once they saw where the lymph nodes were, I went in to get the skin and nodes removed. I was home early evening and really really sore. For a long time. It was tough trying to heal while caring for a new born and an 18 month old baby, but luckily my mother was there to help. And I don't know what I would have done without her.

When we got the results back, the cancer had spread to the two lymph nodes that they tested. Dr. Scilley told me the odds for living out the next ten years were 50/50. He had to book me in for more surgery to test even more lymph nodes under my arm pit.

The surgery went smoothly and again, hurt like a son of a bitch. But its starting to get better. Its still hard to do much with my left arm and it hurts to hold my babies. I'm just thankful that this surgery was available for me and that I was able to get in so quickly.

My chemotherapy is scheduled for January 8, 2010. I'm nervous.