Welcome to my tiny portion of the world. Reading through this will give you some insight to my life and what happiness really is to me.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Jury Duty

Wayne and I have both recieved Jury Summons. He goes on the 15th and I go one week later on the 22nd.

Its weird how some people never get summoned for jury duty, and then others get it frequently. I don't want to get out of it, because I think it could be interesting... or at least a break from life's other little problems. :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Most Recent Check Up

Friday I had an appointment with my oncologist Dr. Ernst. This doctor is wonderful. He actually takes the time to listen to you and answers your questions in a very compassionate way. I love that I have doctors who are in their line of work for what seems to be the right reason: to help us sick people out.

I checked in at the receptions desk and got my blood work done as per usual -- these are monthly visits that I am now very used to.

I was feeling very anxious because I was worried about my dad and Jacqui being very ill in China, so waiting in the waiting room for 2 hours was quite daunting. I busied myself with eating cookies, drinking tea and going for walks around the clinic. Also, I had run into my ex-boyfriends mom (whom I just adore), and we got to chat for a while and catch up on whats going on in every one's lives.

Once it was my turn to go in, I sat and chatted with my nurse, Lisbet. She has been so incredible through this journey. Just as all of the nurses and doctors I've had the pleasure to meet over the last year or so. She let me complain about some of the yuckies in my life and REALLY listened. It helped me a lot.

Once Dr. Ernst came in, he told me that my blood work was "pristine". So the Interferon is not affecting my body too badly. Liver, kidneys, etc are all perfectly functional. I blame it on the green tea.

My mental health seems to be getting better everyday. As long as I take care of myself by eating, drinking, sleeping, getting outside and exercising I will go no where but up from here.

I've learned to allow myself to be angry when I'm feeling angry, cry when I feel sad and laugh when something is funny. As long as I live my life in balance, I will be OK! :)

Finally, I remembered to ask my doctor how they test to see if the chemo worked. He told me that it won't come back if the treatment worked. So I am THRILLED there are no more invasive surgeries to go through. So lets hope I don't have anymore cancer! :)

Also, the end date of my treatment is January 31st. So basically only 3 months left!!!! I'm counting down the days, and I am SO excited!

I Don't Even Know What To Call This

To sum up the events of the last month or so will be a hard thing to do.

As I continue on this journey to fight cancer, I realized I do need to stay on this treatment. It will be the best thing I can do for my health. I continue to get a lot of exercise, drink a lot of water, eat a lot of food and try and keep myself as healthy as I can so that I am able to care for my babies.

I've given in to my anxiety and am back on my medications to help me through this rough patch. So now, I am currently on Interferon and Clobazam. The anti-depressant is totally out of the picture, because I just didn't need it. It was making me super crazy... just ask anyone who spoke to me in the last 6 months! LOL

First of all, my mom has two cats, Tux and Taz. They are probably two of the sweetest cats I've ever come across. They are big and fat and full of love. My dear brother had them under his care for the last year because we just didn't have the room to take them in when my mom moved in.

Taz is a little bugger and ran away. He was missing for nearly a month. Just last weekend we got a phone call from the vet saying that he had been found. He was in very bad condition. I will spare the details because it is just so heartbreaking.

When we saw him at the vet emerg, he was in rough shape. He had lost more than half of his body weight and we were told that he should be put down. We couldn't do that. Even though we didn't have the funds to get him the care he needed, we wanted to at least get him cleaned up and show him some love. After the month he endured, a little bit of love was the best thing for him.

He is now recovering so very well. He's slowly gaining weight, he has no fleas or infections. He just has to go to the vet everyday to get his bandages changed. He is in minimal pain because the nerve endings have just gone numb.

Taz has a guardian angel who has helped us out tremendously with the cost of the vet bills. (You know who you are and your greatness astounds me!!) If it wasn't for this lovely woman, who knows what would have happened.

My moms other cat Tux, has now moved into the house as well. Both cats are here, both cats are adjusting, and my mom is so happy to have her kitties home so she can care for them properly.

That brings me to my next icky event.

My dad and his girlfriend Jacqui are in China working on a business deal. As soon as the plane landed, my dad got very very sick. He is now in Shenzen in the hospital with pneumonia. It was getting very bad and I was very worried that he wasn't going to be ok. The latest news on that is that his temperature is gone and he seems to be fighting just as much as Taz. He will be stuck in the hospital for the next week or so until the infection clears up.

I spoke to him on the phone tonight and he sounded good. I think the more he hears from me and my brother the better he will do. Its tough for him to talk very much because he gets very easily winded but he likes to hear our voices and I think it really lifts his spirits.

Now, onto some good news.

I have the most incredible friends and family. I have a support system that is so unbelievable! My precious LondonMoms have saved my life... again. They formed a secret facebook group and got some money, groceries and toys for the girls. Since they knew Wayne and I were struggling, they all came together and put together the most incredible care package anyone could ever ask for. Wayne, the girls, my mom and I don't have to worry about food or bills for a long time. These women blow my mind.

This community is so fantastic to be a part of. An online community that comes together this way is just so unbelievable. I truly believe I have found some of the most incredible people on the face of the earth by joining this online community. There is NO way I can express my gratitude for everything that has been done, be it donating money, food, toys, clothes, a shoulder to lean on.

I will never be able to thank these women enough.

My dear friend Shannon came over the other day (and by came over, I mean, she RAN 5kms) with cheese and mayonnaise. It doesn't sound like much. But it was so helpful. We were able to make nice sandwiches for the girls on a day where we just couldn't afford to go to the grocery store. She also just let me talk her ear off. She is an amazing friend, amazing person and she will never know how much she means to me.

I have another friend, Sarah, who was the maid of honour at our wedding. She is incredible. She always seems to know exactly what I need and that is company. 11:00 at night, she gets in her car and comes over to just keep me company. I drank wine while her and I looked back on silly high school memories. It was exactly what I needed at that exact moment and I wish there was a way to explain how awesome it is to have a friend like that.

Vanessa, she took me out for Chinese food the other night. Best Chinese food I've ever had. Vanessa doesn't even know me that well, and still takes time out of her busy schedule just to give me a nice night out.

Leigh - I have no words. You're an amazing woman. What you've done is just, shocking. You have SO much on your plate but you still make time to help out a struggling family. Organizing this is just... I can't even express myself.

THESE are good friends! I feel SO lucky to have them in my life.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Here is a tough night.

Lately life has felt like a pretty big struggle.

I'm back on my chemo after a fairly long break (started up about a week ago). I'm sitting here wanting to write, but not knowing what to say. My needle is beside me and I know that I should just get it over with but everytime I think about it or look at it, I get a rush of anxiety.

Tonight I think I need a friend to talk to and remind me why I am doing this. (My kids, my husband, my parents, my whole family, my friends, my health, my contentment, my well-being - which in turn will lead to my kid's well-being)

The hard part is over. This should be easy. It shouldn't be such a struggle right now. I should just DO IT! Get it over with.